Covetton House Introduces: “Covetton Yurt”

Covetton House Introduces: “Covetton Yurt”


( LAUGHTER )
EVERYONE KNOWS I LOVE CELEBRITY LIFESTYLE BRAND GOOP, AND
GWYNETH PALTROW, THE WELLNESSMONGER FAMOUS FOR HER
$66 JADE VAGINA EGGS, “STICKERS THAT PROMOTE HEALING” FOR $120,
AND THIS $435 ANTI-AGING MASK MEANT TO REDUCE WRINKLES AND
APPROPRIATE FOR MOST ORGIES. THEIR LATEST PRODUCT TAKING THE
INTERNET BY STORM IS A CANDLE ENTITLED “THIS SMELLS LIKE MY
VAGINA.” OKAY. I HAVE QUESTIONS. AND I’M NOT SURE HOW TO ASK ANY
OF THEM, BUT LET’S START WITH “WHOSE?”
( LAUGHTER ) GWYNETH’S? BECAUSE I’LL BUY THE EGG, BUT I
JUST WANNA BE FRIENDS. THIS IS THE MOST TALKED-ABOUT
ITEM PUT OUT BY AN OSCAR WINNER SINCE JACK LEMMON’S “THIS AIR
FRESHENER LOOKS LIKE MY PENIS”. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) YEAH, JACK LEMMON! IRONICALLY NOT LEMON SCENTED. ( PIANO RIFF )
( APPLAUSE ) NATURALLY, THIS THING COST, $75
AND WAS IMMEDIATELY SOLD OUT. ( LAUGHTER )
UNTIL THEY RE-STOCK, YOU’LL JUST HAVE TO SETTLE FOR “THIS CANDLE
SMELLS LIKE A PINE TREE’S ASS.” ( LAUGHTER )
BUT THAT’S WHAT I LOVE ABOUT GOOPETH! SHE’S ALWAYS THINKING, ALWAYS
MOVING, NEVER SITTING STILL. PARTLY BECAUSE SITTING IS TOUGH
WITH THAT MANY PRODUCTS IN THE OL’ GOOP CHUTE. ( LAUGHTER )
THAT’S WHY NETFLIX JUST ANNOUNCED A GOOPY NEW TV SHOW,
TWEETING, “GWYNETH PALTROW WELCOMES YOU TO THE GOOP LAB!”
I DON’T GET WHAT SHE’S DOING INSIDE THOSE CONCENTRIC
CROSS-SECTIONS OF A FOOTBALL. ( LAUGHTER )
THE NEW SHOW EXPLORES EVERYTHING THAT’S TOO CRAZY FOR THE
INTERNET.>>WHAT HAPPENS IN A WORKSHOP?”
>>EVERYONE GETS OFF.>>WHAT THE (BLEEP) ARE YOU
DOING TO PEOPLE?>>WHAT WE TRY TO DO AT GOOP IS
EXPLORE IDEAS THAT MAY SEEM OUT THERE OR– TOO SCARY.>>STEPHEN: NOTHING SCARY ABOUT
A THOUSAND PINS IN YOUR FACE. I SAW IT YEARS AGO IN THAT
POPULAR WELLNESS DOCUMENTARY “HELLRAISER.” ( LAUGHTER )
“WELCOME TO THE PIT OF ENDLESS TORMENT. HELP YOURSELF TO SOME CUCUMBER
WATER.” ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF )
“THE GOOP LAB” WILL INTRODUCE US TO THE MOST GROUNDBREAKING
SCIENTIF-ISH WELLNESS TECHNIQUES.>>I… HAD AN EXORCISM.>>OH, WOOOOOW.>>I WENT THROUGH YEARS OF
THERAPY IN ABOUT FIVE HOURS. I STARTED TO FEEL, LIKE A PANIC
ATTACK COMING ON. SHE KNEW SOMETHING THAT MY
HUSBAND DIDN’T EVEN KNOW.>>YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT THE
VULVA.>>Stephen: OKAY —
( LAUGHTER ) — FOR THE RECORD, THAT’S NOT
WELLNESS THERAPY. SHE’S MAKING CANDLES. ( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )>>Jon: OH, AAAHHH! AAAHHH! AAAHHH! AAAHHH! ( PIANO RIFF )
>>Stephen: POINT IS, GOOP LAB PROMISES ONE THING —
>>THIS IS DANGEROUS.>>IT’S UNREGULATED.>>SHOULD I BE SCARED? WE’RE HERE ONE TIME, ONE LIFE,
HOW CAN WE REALLY MILK THE (BLEEP) OUT OF THIS?”
>>STEPHEN: NOW, IF YOU CYNICS THINK “THE GOOP LAB” IS A CASH
GRAB THAT EXPLOITS PEOPLE’S FEAR OF AGING AND SACRIFICES THEIR
SAFETY TO PEDDLE PSEUDO-SCIENTIFIC, NEW-AGEY
GARBAGE… WELL-SPOTTED. ( LAUGHTER )
AND DADDY WANTS IN!>>Jon: HA HA! OH, MY! ( PIANO RIFF )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THAT’S WHERE MY OWN HIGH-END
LIFESTYLE BRAND, COVETTON HOUSE, COMES IN. WE’RE LAUNCHING A NEW TELEVISION
SHOW CALLED “COVETTON YURT.” ( LAUGHTER )
( CALMING MUSIC )>>BAROQUE SIMPLICITY, SHABBY
ELEGANCE, GIVE ME MONEY. COVETTON HOUSE.>>Stephen: NAMASTE. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WELCOME TO “COVETTON YURT.” IN THE YURT, WE EXPLORE IDEAS
THAT ARE TOO “OUT THERE” OR “TOO SCARY” FOR SCIENCE. ARE YOU DANGEROUS ENOUGH TO FIND
OUT IF THIS $8,000 BOTTLE OF UNPASTEURIZED GIRAFFE MILK
WILL ALLEVIATE YOUR ANXIETY? WE’VE ONLY GOT ONE GIRAFFE. LET’S MILK THE (BLEEP) OUT OF
HER. ( LAUGHTER )
AND IS THIS MAN A PSYCHIC WHO CAN SUMMON AN INCUBUS TO
STIMULATE YOUR G-SPOT, OR IS HE A VAGRANT I CAUGHT STEALING MY
MAIL AND GAVE HIM A SANDWICH TO POSE FOR THIS PHOTO? THE ANSWER IS IN THE YURT. AND SO IS HE. HE REALLY NEEDS A PLACE TO
CRASH. WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JOE
SCARBOROUGH AND MIKA BRZEZINSKI!

100 thoughts on “Covetton House Introduces: “Covetton Yurt”

  1. Well, if it's that easy to exploit people, maybe I should enter my own product.

    INTRODUCING NEW AND RECENTLY IMPROVED: "ORGANIC EYE-LASH BEARD REPLACEMENT HAIR!"

    Do you wish you had beard hair? Do you want it to be short and stubbly and of dark hue? Well do I have the organic, completely natural product for you!

    Just open the jar full of organically farmed eye-lashes, and paste our totally organic super-g – I mean "Hair paste" wherever on your face you wish to layer the hair, then carefully place the organic eye-lashes strategically with the cheap, plastic tweezers supplied with your product to showcase to the world a magnificently, eh, eccentric beard! You'll be the awe at all the parties and photo-ops with your newly planted, completely organic "beard hair replacement"!

    $12 a bottle, no returns or take backs, and money guaranteed…

    To pay for my Ferrari.

  2. I used to get hell mad at shit like this, especially this Witch and the entire kardashian family scamming poor people, and then I remembered Darwin’s natural selection. If u r dumb enough to be taken advantage of by dumb people well good luck

  3. Anyone else watch this and go wtf is the world coming to??… If people have this much money to waste($75 vagina candle..really) we have real things to tackle in the world, such as homelessness, child hunger, cancer, alzheimer's, diabetes, etc…

  4. Hilarious! I just can't get on the GOOP Gwyneth train. It seems like its for people who have more money than sense. And Ms. GP is cashing in big time!

  5. well… i wouldn't have heard of goop if those crazy products didn't make the headlines. And now she has a show = free advertisement that she even gets paid for. so i guess she does something right?

  6. Man, I would say that I can feel Mr Colbert's discomfort towards the awkwardness of the subject through the screen, but….I think I'm too distracted by my own discomfort 😳🤦‍♂️😆

  7. "FamousFaceFranchise"
    It's amazing what a famous face can do for your franchise….
    #FamousFaceFranchise, I call the name 😛
    Only thing that'll be Famous connected to me. ^^

  8. She'd sell her own kidney stones and claim they were infinity stones. She's a fucking joke… And yet I met her at a McDonald's in 1999-ish. She ate a hash brown and had a black coffee.

  9. I appreciate that even in the midst of all the chaos we have going on, Stephen and his team still take time to call out Goop's bullshit

  10. Someone bought me this as a gift, I simply thought it was a candle. Our lights went off one evening for some power outage so, I lit a candle, not three minutes later multiple stray cats had surrounded my apartment.clawing on my screens, crying out in God awful screams and noises? I hear my wife’s keys in the door, she walks in and says, who’s in hear clapping ass cheeks? Excuse me? Fuck that! Where she at? She starts going room to room screaming along with the cats, at this point she looks like the cat whisperer, she’s yelling the cats are yelling, the cats are now inside running on top of everything and my wife asks me if I’ve been having sex with these cats? She said the apt reeked of pussy and cat litter. We don’t own a cat nor am I into animals. The lights come back on, I blow the candle out and she says. It smells like a homeless woman just queefed out an ashtray in our living room. Next time I’d prefer a nice vanilla or un scented candle.

  11. I hastily blew out the candle and the hot wax splashed my lip and so, not only does it smell like it does, but, any contact with it will feel like you’ve just acquired an STD.

  12. Encouraging pseudoscience can be dangerous for those needing real help. Shame on Netflix for promoting such reckless content.

  13. GOOP is what they scrap of these vagina eggs, to make these old lady pussy candles. GOOP should call them Poonanna Candles.

  14. If Al Pacino smelled that candle, he would say “Hoo-wah!”.
    And the candle should have been called “Scent Of A Woman” (c’mon, it’s obvious!).

  15. Um, Stephen she is standing in a vagina. *To clarify how I know this it's because another show taught the world about a person who makes her own vagina stickers. **It wasn't Gren.

  16. Great, rich white lady sells expensive garbage. Can we now get to talking about West Virginia offering to make the ~90 second amendment sanctuary counties in Virginia a new part of their state?

  17. I wonder…. maybe her next product will be semen scented perfume or candles 😑😑😂🤢🤢🤢 she and the people associated with her are more than crazy. I don't know if there is any word for it. 😂😂

  18. The "lemon scented" joke went "woooshhhh" over everyone. I can't believe he didn't lose it when he said "it's hard to sit with all that up her goop chute."

  19. Hate her all you want. She’s making money. She found an opportunity. And she’s exploiting it. But it’s sad though, people will never have enough money.

  20. (JESUS; THE ALMIGHTY!!!):

    And I saw heaven opened,
    and behold a white horse;
    and he that sat upon him
    was called Faithful and True,
    and in righteousness
    he doth judge
    and make war.
    His eyes were as a flame of fire,
    and on his head were many crowns;
    and he had a name written,
    that no man knew,
    but he himself.
    And he was clothed with
    a vesture dipped in blood:
    and his name is called
    The Word of God.
    (Revelation 19:11-13).
    _______________________________________________

    Behold,
    he cometh with clouds;
    and every eye shall see him,
    and they also which pierced him:
    and all kindreds of the earth
    shall wail because of him.
    Even so, Amen.
    I am Alpha and Omega,
    the beginning and the ending,
    saith the Lord,
    which is,
    and which was,
    and which is to come,
    the Almighty.
    (Revelation 1:7-8).
    ______________________________________________

    I am he that liveth,
    and was dead;
    and,
    behold,
    I am alive for evermore,
    Amen;
    and have the keys
    of hell
    and of death.

    (Revelation 1:18).

  21. She sells or she used most fuc* expensive stuff or skin products, but with out makeup she has horrible skin with thousands of wrinkles. I guess, even you have so much money spent buying experience skin products or surgery can’t reduce wrinkles. So it just brand name cost so much money to make you spend 💵
    I wander how tight Gweneth’s Virginia?

  22. After introducing the candle they should have played the speech from Dusk Till Dawn, https://youtu.be/dUfel9sU-KI

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